I will be the first to admit, I am a pretty selfish guy. I don't mean this in a "poor me, say nice things to me" kind of way. I mean it in the "right now this seems to be the condition of my heart" kind of way.
One of the ways I seem to be most selfish is with my time. I guard it jealously. I try to horde it up in chunks, so I can do the kinds of things I want to do. I try to manage my calendar so that I am master of my time. (This is not necessarily a bad thing.) And typically when interruptions pop up my initial response is frustration because...well...its ruining my plan.
Well, today three interruptions came my way - and for some reason (most likely the grace of God) I was able to embrace them. I didn't see them as things that kept me from what I wanted to do. I saw them as ways to help others and maybe even serve God.
In these instances, by not clinging so tightly to my time (notice how I said "my" time, like I own it in the first place - ha!) By letting it go, interruption turned into blessing. Or, maybe a better way to say it is that interruption turned into being. I wasn't managing. I wasn't doing. I was just being.
As I write this, I recall a thought that occurred to me last night as I was drifting off to sleep: each day is a gift from God. (Kind of underwhelming, huh?) But for some reason, at 12:07 AM this struck me as profound.
I mean really and truly, I have taken for granted for the past 32 years that when I go to sleep, I will wake up the next day - kind of like when I start my car, I just assume that it will start. Last night I kind of realized that just because I assume that I will wake up does not necessarily mean I am going to wake up. Each day is a gift.
Anything could happen while I am asleep (i.e. a natural disaster, war, fire, a stroke... without going into morbid details, you get the point.) So I decided while laying there, awaiting a peaceful slumber, that I would wake up tomorrow morning (which is actually today) with gratitude for the gift of another day of life; thankful that God, in his grace, has allowed me one more day on earth.
Maybe, somehow last night's reflection subconsciously worked into my psyche, so that today I wasn't as selfish with my time as I was yesterday. Maybe I am maturing and seeing the value in living fully in the present and being more selfless with my time. Maybe I should forget what I think just before I go to sleep.
Or...maybe God is at work in all of this, pointing towards the simple blessings he gives - like another day on earth - and is transforming my heart one day at a time.
My hope is that its a little of the former three and a lot of the latter. Either way. Today is nearing its end. Time to go to sleep. I wonder what tomorrow will bring...